I'm home alone this weekend (Our idea of the weekend, anyway, with TJ working Friday-Monday). TJ and Jacob left for Up North last night and they'll be back on Thursday afternoon/evening. So I decided that yesterday was a good day to step down from the methadone and try to get to a point where I'm just on Percocet. Dr. M swears that Methadone is her pain killer of choice for pregnant women with chronic pain, but it makes me nervous. Since we're not pg yet, I'm hoping I'll be able to wean down to almost nothing but maybe some Tylenol. I know that's pretty optimistic of me; I don't know how my back will react to that, but I still want to try. My choice not to take any methadone and only use the Percocet yesterday was a very BAD one!!! I sweated all night, tossed and turned, had crazy dreams and woke up this morning hysterical. I was miserable. My arms were very flailey, I just wanted to flail my whole body around and just scream and cry. There are other factors, of course: I have my period, I've just started taking new vitamins B6 and prenatal vitamins, I've changed my anti-depressant (smaller dose). I think I need to go back to the cymbalta or I need to reup the Zoloft to 200 mg. Since I've changed the anti-depressant I've been feeling lazy, crappy, unmotivated. I'm still taking care of Jacob, of course, b/c that's what I do now. I'm glad that I don't have someone like Nan around b/c I'm afraid the way I've been feeling I'd be more than willing to let her take over for awhile and I don't want that!!!
I'm really feeling so bleak and so hopeless. My house looks like shit and I hate it; I just don't have the energy or the drive to do something about it. I'm going to force myself later today, though. I have to since we're leaving for Kansas in a week and I'm not leaving this house dirty for three 1/2 weeks; I'm just not doing it.
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